Hearing miraculous stories from the bible and reading about God himself speaking to people showed me there was more to seek from the Lord than what experienced in the Christian home I grew up in. Many times as I look for clarity I still tell God I want a sign; I ask that he would clearly reveal to me what it is that he is calling me to. But Jesus says that it's the wicked who seeks after signs and wonders; only he is sufficient. That's always been a tough pill for me to swallow. A couple weeks ago my church gathered together for Seek Week; in the mornings throughout the work-week we came to pray together and in the evenings we came together again to worship with music, prayer, and study. Initially, I came with the idea that I might want specific direction on where I should go and what I ought to do. Maybe I'll study or perhaps pursue other cross-cultural ministry opportunities. My questions about the future usually revolve around the theme, "God, I'm at a crossroads; should I do a, b, or c?" While I think it's absolutely vital to acknowledge these turning points and ask God for direction, I'm concerned that I am doing it because I seek my own benefit. At the beginning of Seek Week I surrendered to the Lord my desire for direction and simply admitted my desperate need for him to be at work in my life.
In asking God to teach me about himself so that I would be compelled to seek after him more diligently and passionately, I let go of my worldly evil anticipation of a sign. As we sang my heart was open. When we prayed my mind was active in prayer and adoration rather than wondering if something that was said was a sign. A couple of my friends from the deaf community were there that morning. When we gathered in a small group they had no interpreter so I fumbled my way through trying to translate what was said in prayer to ASL so that they could pray with us. When people shared words of knowledge they'd received my friends were gracious as I tried finger spell words I didn't know. Near the end of our pre-sunrise gathering when the pastor asked those who felt that any of the words of knowledge were for them to come forward for prayer one of the deaf guys went forward. Going with him I realized that I had to continue translating as we prayed over him. I didn't do anything. I'm embarrassed to say that I was surprised when God showed up like that. It was in my complete surrender and willingness to let go that God grabbed me and used me.
How can I continue to live in that posture? Right now I have no idea. I'm certain that there is nothing that I can do to make God love me more or love me less. His work in this world, in our church, and in my life does not require that I do anything. What need does the Creator have of man, his creation? But God will have his way and I want to be involved wherever and however he plans. Queen Esther's uncle Morecai gives her this nugget of wisdom in Esther four, don't think you're any different but even if you keep still God will not relent, he will have his way. But who knows if God has set this time for you or not? This passage resonates with me so deeply. I don't know exactly what God is up to. One thing I do know is that he is at work around the world, and he's using people to do it too. I want to be one of the willing ones, one of those who is expectant for God to reveal himself but doesn't put constrictions on what that has to look like.
In asking God to teach me about himself so that I would be compelled to seek after him more diligently and passionately, I let go of my worldly evil anticipation of a sign. As we sang my heart was open. When we prayed my mind was active in prayer and adoration rather than wondering if something that was said was a sign. A couple of my friends from the deaf community were there that morning. When we gathered in a small group they had no interpreter so I fumbled my way through trying to translate what was said in prayer to ASL so that they could pray with us. When people shared words of knowledge they'd received my friends were gracious as I tried finger spell words I didn't know. Near the end of our pre-sunrise gathering when the pastor asked those who felt that any of the words of knowledge were for them to come forward for prayer one of the deaf guys went forward. Going with him I realized that I had to continue translating as we prayed over him. I didn't do anything. I'm embarrassed to say that I was surprised when God showed up like that. It was in my complete surrender and willingness to let go that God grabbed me and used me.
How can I continue to live in that posture? Right now I have no idea. I'm certain that there is nothing that I can do to make God love me more or love me less. His work in this world, in our church, and in my life does not require that I do anything. What need does the Creator have of man, his creation? But God will have his way and I want to be involved wherever and however he plans. Queen Esther's uncle Morecai gives her this nugget of wisdom in Esther four, don't think you're any different but even if you keep still God will not relent, he will have his way. But who knows if God has set this time for you or not? This passage resonates with me so deeply. I don't know exactly what God is up to. One thing I do know is that he is at work around the world, and he's using people to do it too. I want to be one of the willing ones, one of those who is expectant for God to reveal himself but doesn't put constrictions on what that has to look like.
