Obstacles in the Race

A year ago I was amidst training for a marathon. It was amazing. I loved what I was doing despite that it wasn't always easy, it was always worth it. All the early mornings, the rainy Saturdays around the bay, and the aches in my blistered toes were worth it. Even once I got to the marathon I wasn't ready, in fact I was sick and on two hours of sleep. But it didn't matter how bad I felt I knew I had trained I was willing to run until I died, and I almost did. I've grown to love running. Running is a celebration of life. It also taught me a lot about how to persevere even when the wind was in my face and the rain in my eyes, ears, and shoes. Running taught me that if you want something bad enough you will push harder when there are obstacles.

For the near sited person an obstacle is reason to quit. I was always prone to quit. When I was in third grade I only finished the soccer season because my parents forced me since I had made a commitment. Later I would start painting and through them out because I didn't like where they were going. When something hinders me from what I think is my desired outcome I'm still prone to give up. Being tired becomes a reason to not exercise. Maybe a disagreement is a reason to not talk or anger is a reason to eat (or not eat). The list goes on. In my life I feel like I have to press in a lot more in order to attain the goal that's before me. I'm convinced that this difficult concept that I've learned from running must be true in life. I've heard it said, "Anything worth having is worth fighting for." So how much fight do I have in me? I want to be a better teacher, but I'm nearly ready to give up because I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. My point, that I'm trying to articulate mainly to myself, is that if you, Nate, want something then go get it. First, consider the cost. Is it worth it? Probably. But if you don't push through when everything in you wants to quit how will you ever know?

I trained for several months for the LA Marathon. When it came down to it, on the 20th of March of last year, I thought I was ready. The hard reality was that I wasn't. The cold rain poured down for several hours and I eventually was pulled away to safety. But I don't regret it for one second. I didn't even reach my goal, but at the end of the day I could honestly be happy that I put in everything I had. I know that not everyone gets a prize for running this race in the Christian life. But I'm going to try to get mine. I'm going to push so hard through all the obstacles that I don't look back wishing I would've lived differently. My prize is knowing Jesus Christ. I don't know what will come my way as I seek to know him better. The more I know of him the more I want to talk about him with others, the more I understand how lost I was without him, the more I see his goodness to me. I want to make that known and at least available to others. The cost is great. It hasn't required my breath but I know that if it did, it's the only thing I'd give up to reach my goal of knowing Christ.

1 Peter 4:12-19 "Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world. So be happy when you are insulted for being a Christian, for then the glorious Spirit of God rests upon you. If you suffer, however, it must not be for murder, stealing, making trouble, or prying into other people’s affairs. But it is no shame to suffer for being a Christian. Praise God for the privilege of being called by his name! For the time has come for judgment, and it must begin with God’s household. And if judgment begins with us, what terrible fate awaits those who have never obeyed God’s Good News? And also, 'If the righteous are barely saved, what will happen to godless sinners?' So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you."

Urgent Meeting

I might as well write while on my way to this meeting. Less than an hour ago I got a call to come to the organization's offices for an emergency meeting. When I asked what it was about they wouldn't say; all they said is that they didn't want to talk about it on the phone. I'm not sure if I'm going to my death or what. The only thing that this could be about is the two students who came to church with me last weekend. But how would the organization I work for know about it? Last night I joked that if they found out and sent me home then that'd be great. I don't want to have to say goodbye like that but I'm not going to apologize for letting the guys come with me. This is surreal. It could be the beginning of the end or it could be nothing. It's not probable that I got pulled from my last two classes for nothing though. Maybe this is because I said I wouldn't come to a meeting?

Okay there is really not anything else this could be for other than church. It's weird to be blogging this from the car as I'm on my way to the surprise meeting. My fingers are cold as its hardly above freezing. Mixed with nervous tension it's hard to type. I'm not sure why I'm nervous. Truthfully, I don't like conflict and knowing that I'm walking into one is tough. I'm at peace with my actions. Minus the classroom I have no regrets. I wish I was a better teacher. My shuttle bus has arrived.

After passing through security I'm now in the waiting area. I should have kept up with yoga so I could better control my breathing and heart rate. The bright red couches clash against the clean white walls and make my eyes hurt. I need to just close them and pray.

My Father in Heaven,
Your goodness is on going and your ways are pure. Your love for me is perfect and sufficient. Even when I try to do good, Lord your desires and plans are better and so far beyond my understanding. God, I trust you. You are faithful. Spirit you are my peace and comforter. Jesus. Oh my Savior and King. Thank you for your love oh God!

Balloons

Have you ever seen a guy selling a cluster of balloons? There is always a guy walking around Disneyland or the fair carrying a bouquet of them with their strings tied tightly below. You may have simply taken a picture of them or maybe actually indulged in purchasing. They look beautiful, all the balloons rise high into the air above his head with the sun shining through them illuminating the vibrant rubber bubbles. You know he's not selling all of them as a package deal and certainly the sun is not included either. The fact is that if you buy a balloon, you choose one. After walking around the park for several hours the sun sets and the night cools the air but you still have that balloon tied around your wrist. Suddenly it's lost its beauty and it's just a dimly tinted balloon. When it was with all the others it appeared so lively but now simply by itself it loses all its allure. Life is like that cluster of balloons. Looking at it as a whole it's beautiful but if you begin to pick out individual experiences they may seem less charming. Of course some of life's moments are shiny mylar balloons that even when old they still shimmer but other times in life are more like a basic blue latex. At their best these aren't too attractive by themselves. It takes a greater perspective to really see the beauty. Because with the right viewpoint, even when singling out plain and disfigured moments there is something magnificent. The beauty isn't simply a life, but that which gives life its elegance and purpose. Jesus is the sun in my balloons. He shines through the cluster of experiences and makes what could be dull latex actually look radient. He's the helium inside that lifts my life up. He's the guy holding the balloons and sustaining my existence. Without him life would be a mess, floating into space never to be collected again, but Jesus gives it unity, sustenance, and beauty.