Promises

I'm sitting in church and was just texting a friend back home and thinking about how much I'd love to be in Costa Mesa on this chilly rainy day. The house is cold and I have to go plan lessons for kids who are simply out of control. Right now it not easy. I'm thinking of how easy my life was back home but the one thing that I have been really avoiding is my school loans. And I'm still avoiding them. But eventually I'm going to have to go home and pay them off. Or just pay them off. But it's easier not to deal with them while abroad. I was reminded of my former belief that God wanted me to take out the loans in order to go to school. What a selfish and wrong idea I think now. I wish I wouldn't have done it, but at the time it seemed like the only option and I thought God was saying, "Trust me." But now I've been so irresponsible with it that I'm embarassed.

So in church they read from Luke 1 and then later from Mark 16 I think. I know they talked about Zachariah and Abraham. What did these two have in common? God made both of them a promise but they didn't believe Him. I have to press into the Lord in faith by doing the right thing, by being responsible to that which he has called me to.

I don't think that this means God necessarily wanted me to go in debt at APU. But I do know that God is faithful and will take care of my needs, that His ways are better than mine, His thoughts are better than mine. He is holy and I am a man full of sin. In my own way I have pride, anger, lust, bitterness, and so much ugliness. God thank you for rescuing me. Change me! Give me pure motives and a clean heart. Help me to do whatever it takes to know you more. I don't want to miss any promise, or word, or anything that you have for me!!