keep counting

Winter continues to settle in; it snowed just enough to see flakes falling on Christmas Eve but now it continues to rain many days of each week. After church on Christmas day a German friend, who goes to a uni here came over for dinner. He brought five Pakistani friends who enjoyed their very first Christmas around our little table, along with my teacher friend visiting from Russia (with love). Then over New Year I was in Germany visiting a brother who I haven't seen in a couple years. He and his friends blessed me with a dinner on New Year's Eve before we went to the square in Stuttgart and watched the fireworks. Extremely blessed by Matthias' generosity in having me at his home. It has been on my mind the past couple days to open up my house for people to come and have a meal and build relationships with friends. We'll see if something like that is possible. It would be difficult to do on a weekday as I work till about five each evening, but I think it's possible. Maybe just a couple people could come over, because cleaning up after a four course meal for eight on Christmas took a couple of hours!

The teaching element of living here continues to be my most challenging obstacle. What is supposed to be my ministry seems to be a burden. I don't feel like I can teach very well and with the added disrespectful students, absent administration, and advanced curriculum it seems nearly impossible. I want to thrive; instead I'm waiting for this merry-go-round to stop taking me in circles so I can enjoy the rest of the park. Each week I wonder if this will be the week that something clicks in my mind and the gears are all aligned. Certainly it's a learning process and not an instantaneous snapping into place. My weekends and nights out keep me going as I can hang out with new friends here. Last night we went ice skating! We had a great time and many people fell but it was really great to bond more with my German friend and his friends from uni. Spending time with other internationals makes me very happy to be a foreigner. Unfortunately, I still haven't enrolled in a language course, but the more I go out with Turks or other foreigners in Turkey the more I learn.

I go to a Turkish church on Sundays which always incites more learning. I've also been involved at the international church's Friday night gatherings. We are now studying John and I've accepted the offer to be one of the small group leaders there. I'm thankful and excited for this opportunity to study the word with internationals and build relationships through learning about GOD! This is also a time when it's evident that I really miss home. My church, the warm 'winter' weather, the people who actually know me, Asian food, the beach, and running (knee health isn't optimal). I know that since we are just past month four this perspective is typical, but as I try to decide in the next couple months whether to stay in Istanbul or return to California I am constantly drawn back and forth. The old fashioned pros and cons list isn't going to cut it. I need massive clarity and discernment for the future, for relationships both here and at home. I'm praising God for health, for technology, and hope. Amidst all the uncertainties and things I admittedly don't like, there is hope. He is doing something, even when I can't identify it. I'm thankful for connections with people here. For God's provision for all my needs and even abundantly more. I am realizing more and more that all good things are gifts, his grace is rich.