When I stepped out of Orange County to live in Turkey I thought I would be leaving everything behind; teaching in Istanbul was my big ticket out of America. As I prepared for departure I sold nearly everything I owned, stored a few boxes away in a friend's garage, packed a couple suitcases, and threw out a load of stuff last minute. It was the kind of reckless abandon that only comes from something greater than my own volition. In truth, I was mentally prepared to spend many years teaching English abroad, so getting rid of anything aided that transition. About a year ago, when I had been teaching for a couple months I started to realize it was nothing like my previous teaching experience. Living in Turkey was great, however, working there was a daily struggle. Many of my students lacked respect, discipline, and responsibility. Administration simply shrugged their shoulders giving me, the teacher, additional tasks and guidelines. By the time that I was reprimanded by one of the principals who discussed my error in keeping a handful of students in detention I knew that I couldn't keep at it much longer. I would gladly return to the states before subjecting myself to another year of the utter chaos of the Turkish education system.
Today marks five months back home. I continue daily to appreciate Orange County's keenness for fine food, predilection for Mother Earth, and of course--my church community. Ironically enough I am quite literally back where I started. Not only am I back at church, but working at the same restaurant where I had previously been employed for the two years prior to my farewell. There's a tendency to slip right back into the way things were before. People ask if I'm one of those "life-servers" but I swear that I'm getting out of the restaurant industry one day. With my recent acceptance to grad school I hope to get my Masters in Theology. In the mean time as I settle back into American life I'm reminded that my quality of living isn't what it used to be. Selling everything meant returning to nothing. While the Lord is using faithful friends and family who have provided me housing, a bed as well as other household goods, and most recently a car I want to be cautious of creeping cravings to get more.
Possession is a strange thing. The more that I have the less I appreciate, the less I feel the need to do, to create, to be adventurous. There's something about not having everything that provides a healthy hunger for improvement. The unwanted past couple of years of being single has given me clarity of what I want in a wife, not having a TV to watch opens my mind to literature, even the lack of wifi encourages me to get moving and run. All the time I had in Turkey thinking about how unsatisfied I was with my day-to-day life there I was able to realize where I truly wanted to be; the man that I want to be is bold and kind, creative and blesses others, compassionate and authentic, committed, active and adventurous. Senselessly scrolling Facebook and watching TV are never going to get me there. I've realized that I need a great deal of structure in my life. My finances are in the process of an all out overhaul, my yoga schedule a bit more regimented, and runs are planned. I'm altogether seeking more intentionality rather than killing time awaiting for the stars to come into alignment. The more I take ownership, the more I am satisfied when meeting my goals as I see the change that I aim after. So I'm thankful that I don't have everything I want. Yes, my needs are met, but there maintains a healthy ambition that infuses fervor into becoming the man I am created to be.
Today marks five months back home. I continue daily to appreciate Orange County's keenness for fine food, predilection for Mother Earth, and of course--my church community. Ironically enough I am quite literally back where I started. Not only am I back at church, but working at the same restaurant where I had previously been employed for the two years prior to my farewell. There's a tendency to slip right back into the way things were before. People ask if I'm one of those "life-servers" but I swear that I'm getting out of the restaurant industry one day. With my recent acceptance to grad school I hope to get my Masters in Theology. In the mean time as I settle back into American life I'm reminded that my quality of living isn't what it used to be. Selling everything meant returning to nothing. While the Lord is using faithful friends and family who have provided me housing, a bed as well as other household goods, and most recently a car I want to be cautious of creeping cravings to get more.
Possession is a strange thing. The more that I have the less I appreciate, the less I feel the need to do, to create, to be adventurous. There's something about not having everything that provides a healthy hunger for improvement. The unwanted past couple of years of being single has given me clarity of what I want in a wife, not having a TV to watch opens my mind to literature, even the lack of wifi encourages me to get moving and run. All the time I had in Turkey thinking about how unsatisfied I was with my day-to-day life there I was able to realize where I truly wanted to be; the man that I want to be is bold and kind, creative and blesses others, compassionate and authentic, committed, active and adventurous. Senselessly scrolling Facebook and watching TV are never going to get me there. I've realized that I need a great deal of structure in my life. My finances are in the process of an all out overhaul, my yoga schedule a bit more regimented, and runs are planned. I'm altogether seeking more intentionality rather than killing time awaiting for the stars to come into alignment. The more I take ownership, the more I am satisfied when meeting my goals as I see the change that I aim after. So I'm thankful that I don't have everything I want. Yes, my needs are met, but there maintains a healthy ambition that infuses fervor into becoming the man I am created to be.
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