During the advent season leading up to Christmas I heard a sermon on joy. "True joy that comes from the Lord doesn't change based on the current circumstances at hand." At least, that's the idea or goal anyway. For the past few of weeks I've been wrestling with that idea. Firstly, I question what it looks like to be that connected with our God. The God who made the world and everything in it. He brings in the surf, sets the seagulls to soar, and the snow to mingle slowly down to earth. He sends the breeze through the grass and the earth to orbit around the sun. He does it all. The thought alone of being in union with the divine is daunting. Stopping before my mind explodes at the vastness of an infinite and timeless God I have to pause. How do I identify with him amidst such greatness? This doesn't even begin to skim the surface. Simply, God is so much more than I can grasp; that is okay. Secondly, how do I go about receiving joy from this everything-God? For me right now I can say that it's because of God that I have joy; I can choose joyfulness instead of bitterness, instead of anger or irritability. Despite any circumstantial problem I want to be able to see God's goodness in all things, and thus, my response will be joy--maybe even constantly choosing it.
While at Urbana this past week I experienced something completely unexpected. As I set up my recruiting booth I thought I recognized a friend. So as to not draw attention to myself I stood some distance away studying his face. It had been quite a few years since I had seen him so I neared closer to casually walk by him, hoping to get a glance at his name tag. Yet, before I was close enough to read it I saw his face light up when he saw me. Neither of us knew the other was attending the conference and the sheer joy made me well up with tears as I hugged my brother. Seeing him was not a coincidental run-in. His participation was a testament to his faithfulness in following the Lord, our presence demonstrated God's providence to keep us within his flock. Filled with shouts of joy and laughter our reunion was quickly cut short due to the hectic schedules we both had that day. As it was New Years Eve the celebration reverberated with the praise songs of sixteen-thousand people. Driven to find my buddy again before my flight left the next morning I convinced a security guard to let me down onto the floor. Then as volleyed like a pinball from one guard to another I found my way to his section. Again we embraced, we sang and danced, and finally we prayed. Something very strange happened, I felt compelled to kiss him. As we closed the prayer he beat me to it kissing my cheek; I responded likewise.
Despite the wonderful opportunities I've had to live abroad I'm still very North American in showing affection, especially when in the USA. Perhaps traveling to India or living in Turkey prepared me to reach a level of comfortability to affirm my deep love for another man in an absolutely healthy way. More than chalking it up to some expat experience I attribute this growth to the work of Christ. As I'm growing up, Jesus is making himself known to me. I'm starting to release the constrains that I had once put on myself, that I had let society label me with, and rest in knowing I am a man cleansed in the death of Christ and living through his life.
While at Urbana this past week I experienced something completely unexpected. As I set up my recruiting booth I thought I recognized a friend. So as to not draw attention to myself I stood some distance away studying his face. It had been quite a few years since I had seen him so I neared closer to casually walk by him, hoping to get a glance at his name tag. Yet, before I was close enough to read it I saw his face light up when he saw me. Neither of us knew the other was attending the conference and the sheer joy made me well up with tears as I hugged my brother. Seeing him was not a coincidental run-in. His participation was a testament to his faithfulness in following the Lord, our presence demonstrated God's providence to keep us within his flock. Filled with shouts of joy and laughter our reunion was quickly cut short due to the hectic schedules we both had that day. As it was New Years Eve the celebration reverberated with the praise songs of sixteen-thousand people. Driven to find my buddy again before my flight left the next morning I convinced a security guard to let me down onto the floor. Then as volleyed like a pinball from one guard to another I found my way to his section. Again we embraced, we sang and danced, and finally we prayed. Something very strange happened, I felt compelled to kiss him. As we closed the prayer he beat me to it kissing my cheek; I responded likewise.
Despite the wonderful opportunities I've had to live abroad I'm still very North American in showing affection, especially when in the USA. Perhaps traveling to India or living in Turkey prepared me to reach a level of comfortability to affirm my deep love for another man in an absolutely healthy way. More than chalking it up to some expat experience I attribute this growth to the work of Christ. As I'm growing up, Jesus is making himself known to me. I'm starting to release the constrains that I had once put on myself, that I had let society label me with, and rest in knowing I am a man cleansed in the death of Christ and living through his life.
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