I've heard that it's not good to constantly praise children for what they're good at because they learn to avoid things where they may just be mediocre. They lose interest if they don't immediately achieve greatness and tend to give up more quickly when facing adversity even as adults. I tried playing fútbol as a kid, back when I still called it soccer, but I didn't like getting up early on Saturday morning to go run around a field in the cold. It didn't help that I had little coordination and no experience with team sports. After the season when I was finally done with my commitment to the sport I quit. I would've liked to have stuck with it or at least joined a team that scored. But I had lost interest and desire. My sister was always better at music so when my mom tried to teach me the piano I got irritated. I refused to learn because my younger sister was more musically talented than I.
For many years I avoided doing things that I didn't particularly have natural gifting for. When I started Pre-Calculus my junior year of high school my teacher recommended I drop the class because she knew that if I wasn't going to apply myself it would be a waste of time for me. So I took her advice and opted for another art class. The lesson I learned from that wasn't to give up but rather to give it 100% or nothing at all. However the problem that arose was that if I felt any level of inferiority or inadadquacy then I simply avoided the situation all together. As I learned where I could excel I continued to invest. Running seemed rather natural to me from a very young age. I almost joined the cross country team when I started juinor high but I remember a comment from dad, "it's not called cross country for nothing" putting enough doubt in my mind that I never ran again. Once he moved away my senior year of high school and I knew I wouldn't face disapproval, I joined the team. Being apart of that team changed me. Not only did I start to run again but the camaraderie and the commitment resulted in more self confidence and assurance. I'm still learning to try new things, to branch out into the unknown.
I plan on going camping with some guys next month. It's going to be a completely new experience for me. I don't usually do this sort of thing but I'm cautiously stepping out. Initially when I read the email my buddy sent me about the camping trip I responded immediately that I wanted to join the trip. But then as I thought about going, it seemed too unfamiliar. First of all, I don't have anything one needs for a rafting and camping weekend, not water shoes nor a sleeping bag or even a flashlight. The idea of spending a weekend out in the wilderness sounds fun until I think about what I'll eat for the 48 hours I'm disconnected from the civilized world. As I thought about the material things I didn't have required for such a trip, I lost the desire to even try it. Thinking about missing work, paying for the weekend, and purchasing supplies squashed any remaining resolve as I convinced myself it would be too expensive. I was letting the possession of tangible things to directly affect my thoughts, emotions, and actions. Thankfully my friends are better than my own self-doubt and reassured me that I should go. One friend took me to REI and helped me buy a backpack and he's going to let me borrow some of his camping gear.
In the back of my mind I have this idea that men should know how to do whatever is that they are doing. At twenty-seven I should be much more certain about what I can do. Real adults are good at what they do, they have clarity and direction. My perception is that adults are not trying to learn a new trade or figure anything out. We should be successful at our jobs, good parents, and have a clear "ten year plan" laid out. After all, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, right? Wrong. I think that's one of the biggest lies I've believed about what it means to be an adult. As soon as we stop learning we stop growing. Anyone who has ever owned a plant knows that no growth precedes death. I'm not willing to continue to live under the impression that I have to be the best at everything I do, there is always room for growth. I will not be held at bay with the possibility of venturing into the unknown because I'd miss opportunity, adventure, and ultimately living. Learning and adapting are signs of a healthy life, an active mind, and a peaceful spirit.
For many years I avoided doing things that I didn't particularly have natural gifting for. When I started Pre-Calculus my junior year of high school my teacher recommended I drop the class because she knew that if I wasn't going to apply myself it would be a waste of time for me. So I took her advice and opted for another art class. The lesson I learned from that wasn't to give up but rather to give it 100% or nothing at all. However the problem that arose was that if I felt any level of inferiority or inadadquacy then I simply avoided the situation all together. As I learned where I could excel I continued to invest. Running seemed rather natural to me from a very young age. I almost joined the cross country team when I started juinor high but I remember a comment from dad, "it's not called cross country for nothing" putting enough doubt in my mind that I never ran again. Once he moved away my senior year of high school and I knew I wouldn't face disapproval, I joined the team. Being apart of that team changed me. Not only did I start to run again but the camaraderie and the commitment resulted in more self confidence and assurance. I'm still learning to try new things, to branch out into the unknown.
I plan on going camping with some guys next month. It's going to be a completely new experience for me. I don't usually do this sort of thing but I'm cautiously stepping out. Initially when I read the email my buddy sent me about the camping trip I responded immediately that I wanted to join the trip. But then as I thought about going, it seemed too unfamiliar. First of all, I don't have anything one needs for a rafting and camping weekend, not water shoes nor a sleeping bag or even a flashlight. The idea of spending a weekend out in the wilderness sounds fun until I think about what I'll eat for the 48 hours I'm disconnected from the civilized world. As I thought about the material things I didn't have required for such a trip, I lost the desire to even try it. Thinking about missing work, paying for the weekend, and purchasing supplies squashed any remaining resolve as I convinced myself it would be too expensive. I was letting the possession of tangible things to directly affect my thoughts, emotions, and actions. Thankfully my friends are better than my own self-doubt and reassured me that I should go. One friend took me to REI and helped me buy a backpack and he's going to let me borrow some of his camping gear.
In the back of my mind I have this idea that men should know how to do whatever is that they are doing. At twenty-seven I should be much more certain about what I can do. Real adults are good at what they do, they have clarity and direction. My perception is that adults are not trying to learn a new trade or figure anything out. We should be successful at our jobs, good parents, and have a clear "ten year plan" laid out. After all, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, right? Wrong. I think that's one of the biggest lies I've believed about what it means to be an adult. As soon as we stop learning we stop growing. Anyone who has ever owned a plant knows that no growth precedes death. I'm not willing to continue to live under the impression that I have to be the best at everything I do, there is always room for growth. I will not be held at bay with the possibility of venturing into the unknown because I'd miss opportunity, adventure, and ultimately living. Learning and adapting are signs of a healthy life, an active mind, and a peaceful spirit.
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